Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
