I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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