remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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