did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
