Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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