I'd wear matching sweaters with you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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