I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's always time for handjobs
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
