ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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