i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
