I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
