Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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