just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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