She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
