I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I smell like Dick and happiness
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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