He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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