What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize