too bad you live with your parents still
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
