I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize