he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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