Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she looked like the before picture.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
