took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
