i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize