OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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