Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
