I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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