omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
that is very illegal...i love you.
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