is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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