Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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