My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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