Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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