my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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