u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
