Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
