Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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