i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
