do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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