You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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