I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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