I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
