i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
