Pregnant stripper...not hot.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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