The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
