Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Blood and glitter go together right?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
