there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
