I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
