he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
