i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
