hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
