Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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