I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
