Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
