I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
