So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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