Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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