At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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