I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
