I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
