Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
