i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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