and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
