After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
