I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
pray to the hookup gods
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
