I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
