He had one of those small greek statue penises
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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