He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
