You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize