Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
